Posted on by Angela

The Way Home

Mother-in-laws get a tough rap. They become the butt of jokes, gossiped about over coffee, warred over in homes. Yet in the Bible we find the story of a mother-in-law who did not fit the mold when we think of mothers-in-law.

This lady’s family moved because of lack of food. There was a famine and her husband, and her two sons moved to the land of Moab. Soon after her husband died. Her sons grew up and married local girls, then they too died. The woman was left with nothing. In this time, there were not many options for a woman left alone with no man to protect her or provide for her. She was in a strange land and now had two daughters-in-law with her. In her profound grief, she decided to go home.

You may already recognize the story. I am talking about Naomi from the book of Ruth. This small book of history in the Old Testament gives a beautiful account of the relationship between a mother-in -law and a daughter-in-law. The picture they paint can be a model for us today in the treacherous waters between women who dare to marry sons loved by their mothers.

What is your relationship with your mother-in-law like? Is she like a mother to you? My own mother-in-law was much older than myself. In fact, she and my grandmother were closer in age. She had a difficult life, and I married her youngest son, the baby. Were you and your mother-in-law at peace with each other? Had you found a way to make your relationship work?

We pick up Naomi’s story in chapter 1 of the book of Ruth. Naomi had heard there was food again in the land of Judah so with her husband and both sons gone, she decided to go home. It is worth noting that both of her daughters-in-law were prepared to go with her. Yet Naomi urged them to return to the home of their parents, so they could move on with their lives and find another husband and have a future. We aren’t told how much time passed from when her sons died to when she decided to go home. What we do see is that both her daughters-in-law were devoted to her. They were going with her back to her homeland.

What would you do? If your mother-in-law decided to move away, would you rejoice? Or would you start packing to move with her? Would you be willing to live with your mother-in-law? Naomi’s daughters-in-law were prepared to go with her back to the land of Judah. They were ready to leave their own land and follow her, such was their devotion.

Naomi released them. When she saw what they were intending, she sent them home and blessed them. She kissed them and they all wept together. At first both insisted on going with her then she convinced one of them to return but, “Ruth clung to her.”

So, now the question begs, what kind of mother-in-law are you? Or let’s go ahead and ask, what kind of father-in-law are you? Would your daughter-in-law “cling” to you? Or do you interfere in a marriage that isn’t yours? Do you pull your child away from his or her spouse at every chance? Are you a divider between them? While it may be hard to believe that someone could be good enough for our “baby”, our baby has found someone. I have not had the experience yet as a mother-in-law. So, I don’t know what I will be like. I hope I could follow Naomi’s example and be one that my future daughter-in-law could cling to.

When Naomi urged Ruth to go back to her people and her gods, Ruth uttered the words that many have committed to memory, and many have since repeated as a declaration of loyalty and devotion.

But Ruth said, “Do not plead with me to leave you or to turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you sleep, I will sleep. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord do so to me, and worse, if anything but death separates me from you. (Ruth 1:16-17 NASB)

When Naomi heard the determination of these words, she stopped talking about it and they went home. Ruth worked to provide for herself and Naomi in fields picking grain. She happened to work in a field of a close relative. Before long, with Naomi’s guiding, Ruth revealed who she was to the owner of the field, Boaz. Boaz took the necessary steps and became her husband. Naomi had the joy of holding Ruth and Boaz’s first child.

The relationship between mothers-in-law and daughter-in-law can be tricky. Some never find common ground. Others experience a relationship like Ruth and Naomi. These two ladies set the bar high. They are the model to attain to. Is your mother-in-law a monster? Love her. She gave birth to your husband or wife. Is your daughter-in law impossible? Love her. She loves your son. Pray for each other. Your relationship may never reach the level of loyalty or devotion of Ruth and Naomi, but you can reach for a level of peace as much as it depends on you.

Angela

Posted on by Angela

Family Matters

Mordecai and Esther were part of the Jewish exiles in Persia (modern day Iran). Their family had been living in Exile since the time of Nebuchadnezzar. They had grown up in exile and had never seen Israel or Jerusalem. They would have understood the customs and laws of the Jewish people as well as the people of the land they inhabited.

When Esther was young her parents died. We aren’t told how. Mordecai, her cousin was older and her took her in and raised her as his daughter. Maybe this is something like your experience. Maybe you were raised by a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, a family member who loved you and took you in when you needed a place to live. Let’s look at how they cared for each other in difficult times.

Summary of Esther chapter 1-2:4

A little background

The Persian king Ahasuerus had deposed and exiled his queen, Vashti.  Sometime after, the king regretted his decision. The advisors proposed to have all the beautiful young women brought into the harem from all the corners of the kingdom. The one who pleased the king should be the new queen. The king thought this was a terrific idea. So, girls perhaps as young as fourteen were taken from their parents from all over the kingdom and brought to the harem in the king’s palace. The girls had a year of beauty treatments preparing them for their night with the king. If the king never called for them by name again, they would live the rest of their days as a widow in the king’s harem.

Mordecai cares about Esther

Esther was part of the gathering. We are told that “the young woman was beautiful of form and face” (Esther 2:7 NASB). When the guards came round, she was selected and taken to the harem. Mordecai, being a father to Esther, would have been worried about her welfare. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t rescue her. Her fate was sealed. He could not change it, but he could let her know he was there. He walked back and forth every day in front of the courtyard of the harem to learn how Esther was and what was happening to her.” (Esther 2:11 NASB) He showed up. He couldn’t change her future, but he could let her know he was there, and he cared about her.

It is often hard for us as parents to let our children experience difficult times. We protect them when they are small, but as they grow, they must learn how to handle challenges on their own and that becomes difficult. We still want to protect them instead of letting them learn and grow and mature as they work out their own problems.  Sometimes the only thing we can do as parents is let our kids walk through the tough times and let them know we are there, and we care. Sometimes the fault is our own and we must pay the consequences and develop some thick skin to deal with the fallout. Esther did not do anything wrong. She was a pretty girl caught in a king’s awful plan with no way out.

Esther cares for Mordecai

After Esther becomes Queen, she and Mordecai still have a close bond. She has not revealed to her husband, the king that she is Jewish. Mordecai had instructed her not to when she was first taken into the harem. Things are changing, however. A new enemy is on the scene in the form of Haman. He talks the king into destroying this group of people who are opposed to his kingdom. He doesn’t really come out and say who they are, just that they are opposed to the kingdom and need to be destroyed. The king trusts Haman and allows him to write in his name whatever needs to be done giving him his own ring to seal the deal. So, the decree is posted throughout the kingdom allowing the Jewish people to be exterminated.

Mordecai reads the decree, tears his clothes, dresses in sackcloth and ashes, a sign of deep mourning. News of Mordecai’s behavior reaches Esther. To comfort him she sends to him a change of clothes. Her servant returns and tells her he refuses them. Esther is beside herself and sends the servant back with instructions to try to get him to eat and change and find out what is wrong. She, in the harem, is not aware of Haman’s plot. All she knows is that Mordecai, her father, is grieving and she cannot go to him herself. She wants to end his grief.

When someone we love is hurting, the first thing we want to do is ease their hurt. It doesn’t matter if it is a parent, a child, or a family member we are close to and who has always been there for us. We don’t want to see our loved ones grieving or suffering. Sometimes their grief is a disease that we can’t take away. Other times it is a problem that we can’t fix for them. All we can do is pray and love them and let them know that we are there to support them. Esther cared for Mordecai the best way she knew how at this point. Sometimes we must get more involved into the matter. We may need to help with nursing care. We may need to help with housing. We may need to talk to an attorney. Mordecai asked Esther to go to the king on the behalf of her people. After all the years of keeping her heritage silent, it was now time to reveal her identity. This was not a simple fix for Esther. To go before the king uninvited could mean death without his extending mercy. Understandably, Esther was hesitant. Yet, out of love for Mordecai and her people she prepared through prayer and fasting and went to the king. She took a risk with her life to save the lives of many. We may not be asked to put our lives on the line for those we love, but we may be asked to do hard things that seem impossible for us to defend and care for those we love.

The relationship between Esther and Mordecai gives us a model for our own families. They teach us a respect for authority. How to love each other through difficult times. How to properly stand up for each other. It doesn’t mean life is easy, just the opposite. Life is hard and it requires hard things to do the right thing. Yet where our family is concerned, doing the right thing is what matters for our family.

Posted on by Angela

Be Adopted Today

We need to be adopted. We are all orphans without a home lost in a world that is cold and hard and unfeeling. We try to figure out who we are and where we belong.

I want to look at a couple of Bible passages today and look at the spirit of slavery, the spirit of adoption and the spirit of the Son. Our adoption has already been approved and sealed. We only need to accept it.

SPIRIT OF SLAVERY

Romans 8:15

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again

Paul was writing to the Roman church. He wanted them to understand who they now were and who they once were. They had not received a spirt of slavery. Look where slavery leads. To fear. Did you see that? “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again.” Some of us live our lives in constant fear. We are afraid of our world and everything in it. The Father is not the author of fear. Fear is the work of the slave master.  Fear is only a symptom that we need to be adopted. We are rejected and caught in sin and fear. We need redemption. We cannot make this happen on our own. We are trapped in this spirit of slavery. When we become entrenched in fear with a need to belong, a need to fit in, a need for approval, we become slaves to that thing. Where does the fear come in? After having done everything, we are still rejected. We are still unwanted. It will never be enough.

SPIRIT OF ADOPTION

Romans 8: 15-17

 but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons and daughters by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. (NASB)

Our adoption is spiritual. Our adoption allows us to cry out “Abba! Father!”  Abba. It’s not a word that the western world uses, but it at its basic means “Daddy.” It is a very personal name for a father. Our adoption allows us to have a personal close relationship with God. We become his child.

 We become His heirs and fellow heirs with Christ. What does it mean to be an heir? That means that someday when someone dies, we will inherit what someone has left to us. Now since God will never die what does this mean? When we die, we will inherit what he has for us. When He returns, we will inherit what He planned for us. When we become a child of God we suffer with Christ. We may not be nailed to a cross, but we share the persecution, rejection by the world, shame, and reproach, that Jesus did. We share the “family name.” In sharing the family name, we also are glorified with Him. Whatever reproach we endure on earth is wiped away in glory.

SPIRIT OF HIS SON

Galatians 4:4-6

Our adoption stands ready. It has been bought and paid for all we need to do is accept it. Receive the family that is Jesus. Notice what Paul writes in Galatians 4:4-6

But when the fullness of the time came, God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons and daughters. 6 Because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying out, “Abba! Father!”

God does everything in His time. When the time was right, Jesus was born in Bethlehem. When the time had come, Jesus died on the cross for our sins. It is this one act of sacrifice that allowed us to be redeemed, to be adopted. We only need to accept the adoption that is waiting for us. Paul points out that after we receive the adoption as sons and daughters, God sends “the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying out, “Abba! Father!” After we accept Jesus and the price he paid for our redemption, we are no longer slaves to fear and sin. We are sons and daughters. The Spirit takes up residence in our hearts and we enjoy personal relationship with God calling him Abba!

You can have that relationship with Him today. A new destination in life. I don’t know what is going on in your life. I don’t know where in the world you may be. I do know you need to be adopted and redeemed from the slavery of fear you are in. You need the Spirit of the Son in your heart. You need Abba. You need the Father. Today you can change your heavenly family. All you need to do is cry out to Jesus. He will show you the rest. Won’t you do that today?

Angela

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Posted on by Angela

The Family Vacation

The family vacation is usually reserved for the summer months. Time for the beach, cookouts, homemade ice cream and travel. A time for families to get away to relax, enjoy life and celebrate how much fun it is spending time together cramped in a car with children or teenagers for a 6-to-8-hour drive to enjoy the wonders of God’s creation. Right.

I wonder how many of us come back from our vacation more tired than when we left. What we really need is rest. The staycation is becoming more popular as families realize that staying home can be as fun as traveling less expensive, safer, and more relaxing.

I am for families connecting, recharging and resting. I believe this is what the family vacation is about. It is taking time away with the people who live in our house for a retreat from daily life for a few days. This is good for relationships and good for the soul.

In the Bible, there are times where God built in times of rest for the people of Israel. Many of the festivals and solemn events they were to practice were to have no work involved and lasted several days. Times of rest built into their year, and they were frequent.

When Jesus was with the disciples, He saw the need for them to get away for a while. Mark 6:31 says that, “And He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a little while.” (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.)” (NASB) The disciples had been working hard with the people and they needed a break. They needed a vacation. Jesus made sure they got it. He also offers that to us as well.

Today, I think we have forgotten how to truly rest. We have gotten so accustomed to work that our brains do not know how to be still. We do not have a shut off or a reset. We are constantly on go. As a result, there is a high rate of burn out, depression, drug abuse, and even suicide. We need rest.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-29, “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will findrest for your souls.”

The vacation is intended to allow families to get away for a while, not one more item to check off the ever-growing checklist of things to accomplish. How many of us can say we truly relaxed on vacation without an itinerary of where we needed to go next or what time we needed to do this next. It is even worse if we take extended family along for the ride. No wonder we come back from out vacation more stressed than when we left.

Whether you stay home this vacation season or travel, look for ways to relax. Be intensional. I know you have to keep the kids engaged, but it wouldn’t hurt them to have some downtime also. Some quiet moments of solitude  walking in the woods, swinging in a hammock. Maybe laying on a blanket in the backyard watching the clouds go by or watching the stars come out. Maybe take a sketch pad and try to sketch or watercolor paint a sunset. You don’t have to be good just have fun and relax. The family vacation is about taking time with your family to enjoy a time to relax with your family. Turn off the electronics for the evening. Watch the stars, paint the sky, watch the birds. Feel the tension ease in the gentleness that nature brings.

I’m not talking about extremes. Just beginning to practice times of rest. Walk on the beach rather than splash in the water. Collect shells, wade the surf, listen to the waves. Try something different. Take time to rest this family vacation. I mean really rest. Let the tension, stress, and worry go. Believe me it will be there waiting for you. For now find a secluded place and know He is gentle and humble in heart. Find rest for your soul.

Angela

Posted on by Angela

Solitary in Families

Family. The word conjures all sorts of images. Some of those images aren’t always good. Sometimes families are messy and hard. I imagine there have been times we have wondered how we landed in our messed-up family while it seems other families have it all together and love and support each other. They seem to be places where someone can grow and thrive and prosper. Then there is the other side. The dark side we don’t want to talk about. The family that is cold and abusive and destructive. Members of those families seek that nurturing they missed anywhere they can find it and it seems what they find is more of the same or worse. Deep down what all of us really want, and need, is unconditional love and acceptance,

I have worked in my present job as a secretary in a mental health clinic for over ten years. In that time, I have seen a lot of families come through our doors. Some families are more broken than others. Some leave a lot of damage in their wake and pass it on for generations. Broken people creating more broken people.  Yet, some have learned to cope with their brokenness and begun to heal.

Psalm 68:6 says, “God places the lonely in families, he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy. But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land (New Living Translation)

Adam may have related well to the first part of this verse. As the first man in creation, he saw all the wonder and beauty of everything God had created. Alone. He named all the animals. Alone. He tended the garden. Alone. Adam had realized his loneliness as he named the animals and saw there was no helper for him. In all of creation, there was no one else like him. He was truly alone. It was during this time that God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” So, He created Eve.

We are social people. We need each other. I have seen and heard and been a part of the “debate” over introverts vs. extraverts. Some of us are geared to be around people and need to be around people. Then there are those of us who think the world is way to    people-y. We need a high degree of space and can be on our on for long periods of time just fine, thank you very much. Yet even in that aloneness, there is a realization that “it is not good…to be alone.”

God gives us people we can relate to and talk to and be ourselves with. Sometimes this is our birth family. Sometimes it is our in-laws. Sometimes it is a really good group of friends. I think that when we spend too much time on our own, and I fall into that introvert group, we become prisoners to our mind and go to dark places. The family God gives us helps take away our prison and can fill us with joy and freedom and removes the loneliness.

I don’t know what your family looks like. It may be a place of joy. It may be a place of darkness. If it is a place of joy, I celebrate with you. You have found a special thing. Rejoice in the Lord’s provision. You are not alone. If it is a place of darkness. Let me tell you, you are not alone either. There is hope. God has a family for you also. Trust Him to bring you into that family. Get the help you need. If you are seeking and lost in your own prison, let God bring you into His Family. Trust Him today to be your Father and let Him adopt you as His child. There is no better family than His.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-422-4453

National Suicide Hotline: 988

Angela