Mother-in-laws get a tough rap. They become the butt of jokes, gossiped about over coffee, warred over in homes. Yet in the Bible we find the story of a mother-in-law who did not fit the mold when we think of mothers-in-law.

This lady’s family moved because of lack of food. There was a famine and her husband, and her two sons moved to the land of Moab. Soon after her husband died. Her sons grew up and married local girls, then they too died. The woman was left with nothing. In this time, there were not many options for a woman left alone with no man to protect her or provide for her. She was in a strange land and now had two daughters-in-law with her. In her profound grief, she decided to go home.

You may already recognize the story. I am talking about Naomi from the book of Ruth. This small book of history in the Old Testament gives a beautiful account of the relationship between a mother-in -law and a daughter-in-law. The picture they paint can be a model for us today in the treacherous waters between women who dare to marry sons loved by their mothers.

What is your relationship with your mother-in-law like? Is she like a mother to you? My own mother-in-law was much older than myself. In fact, she and my grandmother were closer in age. She had a difficult life, and I married her youngest son, the baby. Were you and your mother-in-law at peace with each other? Had you found a way to make your relationship work?

We pick up Naomi’s story in chapter 1 of the book of Ruth. Naomi had heard there was food again in the land of Judah so with her husband and both sons gone, she decided to go home. It is worth noting that both of her daughters-in-law were prepared to go with her. Yet Naomi urged them to return to the home of their parents, so they could move on with their lives and find another husband and have a future. We aren’t told how much time passed from when her sons died to when she decided to go home. What we do see is that both her daughters-in-law were devoted to her. They were going with her back to her homeland.

What would you do? If your mother-in-law decided to move away, would you rejoice? Or would you start packing to move with her? Would you be willing to live with your mother-in-law? Naomi’s daughters-in-law were prepared to go with her back to the land of Judah. They were ready to leave their own land and follow her, such was their devotion.

Naomi released them. When she saw what they were intending, she sent them home and blessed them. She kissed them and they all wept together. At first both insisted on going with her then she convinced one of them to return but, “Ruth clung to her.”

So, now the question begs, what kind of mother-in-law are you? Or let’s go ahead and ask, what kind of father-in-law are you? Would your daughter-in-law “cling” to you? Or do you interfere in a marriage that isn’t yours? Do you pull your child away from his or her spouse at every chance? Are you a divider between them? While it may be hard to believe that someone could be good enough for our “baby”, our baby has found someone. I have not had the experience yet as a mother-in-law. So, I don’t know what I will be like. I hope I could follow Naomi’s example and be one that my future daughter-in-law could cling to.

When Naomi urged Ruth to go back to her people and her gods, Ruth uttered the words that many have committed to memory, and many have since repeated as a declaration of loyalty and devotion.

But Ruth said, “Do not plead with me to leave you or to turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you sleep, I will sleep. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord do so to me, and worse, if anything but death separates me from you. (Ruth 1:16-17 NASB)

When Naomi heard the determination of these words, she stopped talking about it and they went home. Ruth worked to provide for herself and Naomi in fields picking grain. She happened to work in a field of a close relative. Before long, with Naomi’s guiding, Ruth revealed who she was to the owner of the field, Boaz. Boaz took the necessary steps and became her husband. Naomi had the joy of holding Ruth and Boaz’s first child.

The relationship between mothers-in-law and daughter-in-law can be tricky. Some never find common ground. Others experience a relationship like Ruth and Naomi. These two ladies set the bar high. They are the model to attain to. Is your mother-in-law a monster? Love her. She gave birth to your husband or wife. Is your daughter-in law impossible? Love her. She loves your son. Pray for each other. Your relationship may never reach the level of loyalty or devotion of Ruth and Naomi, but you can reach for a level of peace as much as it depends on you.

Angela